The experience of modern mourning has become increasingly complex. While social media platforms can provide a space for people to share their feelings and connect with others who are also grieving, they can complicate the process by amplifying emotions and making grief a public spectacle.
One of the positive aspects of social media is it can provide a space to connect with others who have experienced similar losses. Platforms like Facebook and Instagram allow individuals to share their stories, express their emotions, and find solace in the knowledge they are not alone. Through social media, people can join online support groups, participate in virtual memorial services, and connect with grief counselors and other professionals who can offer guidance and support.
Moreover, social media can help preserve the memory of a lost loved one. Friends and family members can create digital memorials, and share photos, videos, and stories about the person who has passed away. This can be a comforting way to keep the person's memory alive and honor their life, even after they are gone. Despite the positives, trying to navigate a loved one’s social media platforms or figuring out what or if you should post on your own socials can feel daunting.
Social media may also be a source of pain for those who are grieving. For example, seeing posts about happy events or celebrations can be a painful reminder of what they have lost. Some people may find the outpouring of messages comforting, but others may find the constant barrage of notifications, messages, and posts to be overwhelming and exacerbate feelings of anxiety and stress.
Here are some practical ways to navigate mourning in the age of social media:
Think before you post: I think this should be an overarching rule for all social media at all times. That being said, when someone is grieving they may post in haste causing confusion or further pain. If the family has not yet posted on social media, unless you were asked to do so, DO NOT POST ON SOCIAL MEDIA. It can be very hurtful to learn of a loved one’s passing over social media.
Be thoughtful in your response: Respect others' privacy and boundaries. Just because someone shares a post or status update about their grief does not mean they want to discuss it further or receive unsolicited advice. If you feel inclined to post, do so authentically and succinctly. An example might be, ‘I am so sorry for your loss.’ or ‘My heart breaks with yours.’ ‘I cannot imagine the pain you are going through right now.’ or Please know I am here for you when you are ready.’
Avoid making comparisons or judgments: Social media makes it easy to compare your own grieving process to others, which can be counterproductive and cause guilt or shame. It is important to remember that everyone grieves in their own way and to avoid making comparisons or judgments about how others express their grief.
Avoid giving advice: While you may want to pass on ideas for how to cope with grief, social media may not be the best place to do so. If someone has just learned about the passing of a dear friend or close family member they are in need of comfort and reassurance - not your advice on how they should feel, act, think, or do.
Do reach out via text or phone if you are close: If you see a post AND are close to the person, it is OK to contact them via text or a phone call. It is important to note, however, that the person may not pick up a call or respond to a text - and that is OK. Should you choose to reach out, do so with an open heart. Express your condolences succinctly and let the person know you are there for them when they are ready. It is also OK to send a text that simply says, ‘I am thinking about you and your family or I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.’ If the person does not respond, do not barrage them with calls or texts. Respect that they may not be in a place yet where they are open to dialogue.
Social Media - if you are the one who is grieving
Be mindful of your own social media use: While social media can be a useful tool for sharing memories and seeking comfort from others, it is important to be mindful of how much time you spend on social media during the grieving process. Constant exposure to other people's experiences and emotions can be overwhelming and may make it difficult to process your own feelings.
Consider taking a break from social media: If social media is causing more stress or anxiety than comfort, it may be helpful to take a break. This can help you focus on your own thoughts and emotions, and give you the space you need to process your feelings in a more private and personal way.
Seek support from a variety of sources: While social media can be comforting, it is important to seek support from a variety of sources, including friends, family, and if needed, mental health professionals. These individuals can provide more personalized support and guidance and may be better equipped to help you navigate the complexities of grief.
Remember:
Everyone grieves loss in their own way and timeframe
There is no ‘right’ way to grieve
Avoid imposing your views on someone else’s grief process
Do reach out and acknowledge the loss in a way that feels genuine and authentic
If you or someone you love is struggling with loss, know when to get professional help. Please see Psychology Today’s article on when to consult a grief therapist or check out Free hotlines for grief and loss (United States). Or find additional free hotlines including grieving the loss of a pet and the National Suicide helpline.
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