This week we are going to unpack a mindset issue known as Imposter Syndrome. Most of us, at some point in our lives, have had a run-in with imposter syndrome but what is it exactly and what can we do about it?
Feminist Fight Club author, Jessica Bennet, explains imposter syndrome like this, “It’s that nagging feeling that you’re not good enough, that you don’t belong, that you don’t deserve the job, the promotion, the book deal, the seat at the table.”
Have you ever received a promotion you worked long and hard for, only to feel anxious, scared, and undeserving? Do you wonder if another co-worker should have received the promotion instead? Maybe you wrote a report that was widely recognized and now you feel like it could not possibly have been that good. Maybe your boss praised you in front of colleagues and now you feel like they are talking about you behind your back, wondering why YOU got the kudos. UGH! Welcome to the world of imposter syndrome – that nagging voice in your head that says you are not good enough, smart enough, funny enough, that you don't belong here, and that people are going to catch on to you soon enough.
Why Imposter Syndrome Happens
Imposter syndrome was coined in 1978 by two psychologists, Pauline Clance, and Suzanne Imes. Although there are no clear-cut answers as to why this happens to perfectly capable people, it appears to show up disproportionately in women, racial minorities, the LGBTQ-IA+ community, and other minority groups. But WHY does this happen? There are a variety of reasons including a tendency toward perfectionism, growing up in a household with high expectations, or households where both lavish praise and harsh criticism were interspersed. If you grew up feeling that you were not enough as you were, or that you were only as good as your achievements, the groundwork was set for you to experience imposter syndrome. Imes states, “In our society, there's a huge pressure to achieve. There can be a lot of confusion between approval and love and worthiness. Self-worth becomes contingent on achieving.” And she said that long before social media caused us to consistently compare ourselves to the Insta-perfect lives of others!
Recognizing Imposter Syndrome
Most people are aware that imposter syndrome includes feeling like you don't deserve the accolades you receive…but it also manifests in other ways.
Even with the knowledge, many of us are still not fully aware that we are experiencing it, and leaning into it. I did not think I struggled with imposter syndrome until I had a broader understanding of what it may look like. Let me explain. I needed to write a work email that would go to our director and would likely be broadly shared with others. I sat down to write said email...and it took a loooong time. A really long time. Like an incredibly long time. I wrote it, rewrote it, and reread it over and over. I was getting so annoyed with myself - my brain screaming at me to JUST SEND THE DANG EMAIL…but I was stuck in a never-ending cycle of editing, hoping that if I could just send the exact right email, everything would be fine. How could a simple email literally take me over 2 hours to write? Finally, I hit send...and then the real worry began to creep in. I kept opening it up and re-reading it, reassessing every word, worrying about what people would think. I hold a master's and a doctorate among other endorsements and certifications. HOW on earth could I not be capable of writing ONE lousy little email? And there it was. Imposter syndrome. Running amok, stealing my joy and energy, and telling me I was not even capable of writing an email. Here are some additional examples that may not always be recognizable as imposter syndrome:
Fear of success -You have worked long and hard to get your promotion, and now when it is offered you are seriously considering turning it down. Imposter syndrome may creep in to tell you that if you take that promotion, you will finally be found out as the fraud you are. It is better to stay in your current role until you are ‘ready’. Unfortunately, ‘ready’ never comes. No matter how much you learn and grow, you still feel like you need more before you are ‘ready.’
Fear of failure - You do not push yourself because if you fail, you are certain this confirms how terrible you really are. You beat yourself up and think no one else would have made the mistake -that this now confirms what everyone already knew -that you are not capable. It is important to remember, however, that failure in a task is not the failure of your career or a failure as a human being. In fact, the only way to continue to learn and grow is to fail, figure it out, and move forward.
Devaluing your worth - You are asked to provide a brief presentation of your latest project, but you say you could not possibly do that as it was really a team effort (you did work with others), you really did not do all that much (but actually you were the lead), or you really are not the right person to do a presentation (which is unequivocally not true). This is not being humble. This is not about not recognizing that you collaborated with others. This is about feeling your own work is not worth much on its own.
Underestimating your experience or expertise - You see a job that you would really be good at but fail to apply because you are missing one of the line items in the description. I see this a lot and it breaks my heart every time. While missing a skill set that is the cornerstone of a job may prove problematic, missing one or two of the “preferred” qualification is not likely to tank the interview. Believe in your knowledge and experience. They are more important than a laundry list of random skills.
So, What can You do About It?
No matter how self-assured or confident you are, it is likely at some point you may feel like a fraud or you are not good enough. Unfortunately, it is often exactly as we are reaching the next level of success that the gremlin in our heads starts whispering we are not capable and now people will find out and we will be unmasked for the fraud we really are. The good news is being aware imposter syndrome exists and the different ways it may come up for you is a large part of the antidote. Below are some strategies to help you break free from the imposter syndrome tyrant in your brain.
01. Record Your Thoughts
All of us have that voice in our heads that tells us we are not good enough or we don’t belong. While it is normal to feel a tad insecure and to have moments of doubt, it is not healthy to stay in that space. When we have doubts, it shows we are growing; pushing our boundaries. But remember, these doubts are feelings, not facts. Your emotions don't define your worth or abilities. When these moments happen, record your thoughts. For example, My boss just introduced me as the best performer on her team…what if I can't live up to that? Then try to identify why you feel that way.
02. Facts Over Feelings
Now that you have identified some of the negative self-talk, it is time to challenge it. You can do that in two ways: First, challenge each negative assumption with an undeniable fact. For example, if you think, “I’m such an idiot,” you might remind yourself, “I have two degrees and eight years of work experience.” Secondly, make a list of positive affirmations and refer back to them when you’re feeling insecure. For example, if you catch yourself saying, “I can’t do anything right,” you might challenge that with, “I’m great at mentoring others.”
03. Understand Who the Voice Inside Your Head Is
Identifying where you first learned to doubt yourself is powerful and will help you move beyond imposter syndrome. We all have that voice in our head that tells us we are not worthy, we are stupid, or we don't deserve happiness. The trick is figuring out where that voice came from. Is it a parent’s voice from your childhood? A former teacher’s voice? Who told you that you were not good enough or would never amount to anything? If you identify the voice, you will gain power over it. Realize the parent who said, you would always need to work twice as hard to get half as much, may have been acting out of their own insecurity and hoping to save you from heartache. Look through the lens of your adult self and determine if that advice is really true or relevant to who you are now. As an adult, you have the ability to re-run those old tapes and see them for what they really were: other people’s fears and doubts.
04. You Are Not Alone
As they say in AA, “You are only as sick as your secrets.” Part of imposter syndrome’s ability to hold you hostage is the fear that you will be found out as a fraud. That fear prevents us from reaching out to others, as the very nature of the mindset causes us to keep our doubts as secrets. Remember, you are not alone. Reach out to your network of friends, mentors, or fellow professionals you trust. Chances are, they have faced similar feelings at some point. Sharing your thoughts can lead to powerful conversations and collective growth.
05. Celebrate Your Wins, Big and Small
When was the last time you celebrated your victories? It may be second nature to dismiss your achievements as trivial or not significant enough for celebration, but whether you landed that new project or mastered a complex skill, each accomplishment contributes to your growth as a human on this planet. In our fast-paced world, it is important to slow down and celebrate all the wonderful stops on your journey. Grab some friends, some chocolate (or some wine!), and celebrate!
06. The Power of Self-Compassion
Imagine your best friend telling you she feels like an imposter. What would you say? Chances are, you would shower her with kindness, reminding her of her strengths and the incredible journey she is on. Now, turn that same compassion inward. Treat yourself as your own best friend, offering reassurance and encouragement when imposter syndrome tries to strike. Remind yourself of your accomplishments and how hard you have worked to achieve them. It is NOT an accident that you are doing well and are recognized for your work.
07. The Tyranny of Comparison
'Comparison is the thief of joy,' as articulated by Theodore Roosevelt, resonates deeply for so many reasons. When we measure ourselves against others, it often leaves us feeling less fulfilled and more discontent. Our focus shifts from appreciating what we have to fixating on what we lack. In the age of the ‘perfect’ social media life, many people spend countless hours comparing their life to others’.
It is important to remember that most people, most of the time, are curating their personal brand through their social media and as such, they are only posing things that show them in the best possible light. In reality, things may be less perfect. It is important to embrace our individuality, honor both our strengths and opportunities for growth, and find contentment in our own journey.
08. Embrace Your Bold
You are a constellation of unique talents, experiences, and potential. Imposter syndrome might try to dull your shine, but remember, it's a small, unreliable voice in the grand scheme of your journey. Any past failures, perceived or real, are not indicative of who you are as a person or what your future holds. Embrace your brilliance, and step forward with confidence. You have the power to conquer imposter syndrome, one self-affirming choice at a time. Honor the hard work you have done, share your fears with trusted friends, and celebrate each step of your amazing journey.
Did you enjoy this article? Want to learn more? Check out this free mini-course on taming the psychotic roommate in your head and conquering imposter syndrome for good.
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